HOLY HORMONES

WOW, today was exceptionally weird for me.
You know how when pregnant women say they have pregnancy brain:
Well I think my hormones were replicating that today, I spent more time wandering around trying to remember why I went back to my desk or what client I was going to go get once I got out into the big room, It was like someone had taken the memory part of my brain away. On top of that I started to have really bad hot flashes and had to step outside cause I felt like I was gonna pass out or something.
I took the last dose of clomid toady!!

In other news the clense is going good, Ean is happy that I poo now lol. I'm eating healthier, but still slip up on the carbs pretty often. I'm trying not ot eat carbs becasuse they sustain the level of insulin in my blood which messes with my hormones which is the main reason I dont ovulate. I have found lots of research that suggests 4-6 months of eating little carbs, mostly organic food and taking fish oil supplements and your body starts to heal and you are able to ovulate again.
AND one of the side effects(of not eating carbs) is weight loss :)
Exercising is hard for me, Im just not into it, but I did walk the dogs sunday in a small blizzard! They enjoyed it.

Well Im off to watch the news and go to bed, I think Im going to have to get up early and call into work! :) because we are gonna get 12 inches of snow.

The cat is out of the bag

We told Mom and Lisa this weekend that we had been trying.
Mom wants me to wait till bubba is out of school so she can come up and visit more. But I told her I'm not waiting till I'm 30 lol.
It felt good to finally tell the family! A big weight was lifted.
Lisa helped me pick out a body cleanser to kick start my working out and eating healthy!! I need all the support I can get cause dieting has NEVER been my strong point.
Im starting the cleanser on friday. It's not to restrictive. I can't eat many carbs at all, coffee...that will be really hard, and less red meat. I have to drink 64 oz of water and take a ton of fiber pills, milk thistle and this other pill. It will last two weeks. After that is all organic food and exercising.

Im still taking the provera...I think I'm on pill 8 so I should be getting my period soon. Then I start the last round of clomid.

In other news....It is FREEZING here. There is a small pile of snow by the inside of the front door and the heater can't get it abover 55 in here due to all the cold air seeping in through the doors and windows.... So Ill be sleeping with a stocking cap on tonight!

Stay warm.

4th and Final Round.

So I took the first pill today of our last round.
Never when we started did I think we would go through 4 rounds of clomid.
But I guess I was wrong.
This time I'm taking 4 pills a day.
Ill keep you posted on any side effects.

Bitter

So I have decided that I will start to smoke crack, live in a run down trailor and drink a six pack for breakfast and then maybe Ill get pregnant.

Dreaming with a broken heart

Just this past week Trista (my sister in law) lost her baby. She was 20 weeks pregnant when her water broke. It was a little girl, Joely Jane Schaffner. It was so heart wrenching for Ean and I to watch his sister go through this horrible expirence. Its so hard for me to just stand by and watch or offer a hug, I want to fix everything, and as we know, I hate things I cant understand or control.

We tired our best to be there for her, yet we found ourselves in shock, it was like a sucker punch, we couldn't help but thinking that this could happen to us.It was like an out of body expirence, Trista and I share the same Dr. so it was even easier to think this could happen to us. For me....when bad things happen I get mad, so immediately I told Ean that I did not want to try and have kids anymore. There is NO WAY I could be as strong as Trista is. Im not ready for the sorrow that concieving can bring. I had never even thought about it in that way until now.
So I have not went to pick up my pills because I've been scared, but I will go....tomorrow.
I just need to regain my faith in the world, and in God.
I know its not good to say, but when thigs like this happen to people you love you find it hard to believe in the good and have faith in God.
Bad things happen to good people I guess. Atleast that is the only thing I can think of to make sense of this.
While I'm still praying to God for Trista and for personal strength, it's hard not to be mad at him sometimes.
My heart just aches for Trista and Chris.
But still, after all the sucker punches, Ean and I still want to try with all our might to have children, and I know the strength to go on comes from God.
So, we will continue to Dream, with our broken hearts.

Tis' the season...

For new beginnings!

The third round did not work, as I suspected. Ean and I have begun to discuss what exactly we will do after this final round that I will start this week. (They are putting me on the final dose of 200mg of clomid.)
We have decided to take some time off from this fertility stuff
1. because they will be referring us to the U of I and it will be twice as expensive. My insurance doesn't cover anything except for the provera.
we found that last month alone we spent $180. And to go to a specialist will cost even more then a regular doctor. So we have decided to save up around 1/2 to all of what it will cost to do whatever it is they will do at the U of I. I think I will go for the initial consultation so we can get an idea of what they want to do and what it will cost so we can save up. We just dont want to be in even more debt when we have a baby. And I want to have money to buy all the fun pink bows ;)

2. I have lost 8lbs on my alli plan so I would like to continue to loose and then try a fresh start with a new healthy body!

AND I think its coming time to tell our families. Hopefully you will be reading this soon!