Not a Good Week

This is my last week at work and the week that I find out that Im not pregnant.
I say that Im not because all tests have been (-) so far and I should get my period any day now.
I HATE this waiting game, I just want to get my period so I can be done thinking about this failed cycle and move on to the next one. That will most likely be another failed attempt. I feel the cramping, Im sure its gonna be one of those awful periods where I get hot flashes and puke. ugh.
I spend the 3 or so days before my period agonizing over what is wrong and why nothing seems to work and being upset after each (-). But its like an addiction, I can't not take a test, I just can't I have to know.
I really thought IUI was our answer. But now I don't know.
We will have our 3rd IUI in mid march. I just never thought I would say that. I never thought it would get this far and Im sure it will go further.
if this IUI in March fails we will be onto the 3 months worth of IUI's with injectable medications before we are fortunate or is it unfortunate enough to do the big IVF.
I really don't know how IUI with injectables works, but I will be asking at my apt in march. I know it involves obviously expensive hormones that I will have to inject in to my butt on my own cause I don't think ean could do it with out passing out lol and it involves follicle tracking with ultra sounds which means more appointments which means I might have to take off work and how do you take off work at a job that you just started and you only work 20hrs a week and how do you explain to complete strangers that your sorry for starting a new job and not telling them of your "medical" problems but hey I didn't think you would hire me if I did. Plus you wont see it as a medical problem, you'll see it as unnecessary treatment for something that should just happen and tell me to just relax, and have you tried this, well maybe you should......
slow down.....deep breath......
oh, and its my last week at work which on top of my sadness of not being pregnant, Im sad about that.
my emotions are on overdrive and Im overwhelmed.
at least Im not as bitter as these people http://stfuferts.blogspot.com/
that makes me feel good!
I mean I understand what these people are feeling but I would never be mad at a friend or family member for posting facebook pics of there ultra sound, yah it might make me sad for myself but I would never want to take that joy away from someone.
In fact, I can guarantee that when I get pregnant I will post that sh*t all over facebook!